I’ve just come out the other end of a domestic, via text message with a girl I thought was a friend…a great friend! And Im left feeling drained and asking myself 100 questions as to why this girl cant see logic, even if it bit her in the armpit!…
I have struggled with friends my whole life. Struggled to find people in the world that understand me. I know this is a common issue thats battled amongst many and I have come to the conclusion that in most cases its me not you…but there are definitely the few cases where its YOU not MEEEEEE!
As a teenager I was very aggressive and defensive…Always thinking the world was out to get me. (Mum still has her moments where she tells me I still am!….Oh and the occasional boyfriend I suppose) ….I would always assume that stare on the train or bus meant that they hated how I looked or despised the fact that I was pushing a pram around at 17…Or those girls that giggled as I walked past MUST have been talking about me. It was so tiring. No one can live like that for too long. There always has to come a day where you stop, take a step back and re-confirm…realising, the world doesn’t revolve around me!
Although, when you make this change…what follows is a much more awakened perspective, and can consequently hurt you more than what it did when you just turned back called them a bitch and got on with your day! I have done alot of soul searching over the last few years, and I gotta say, the word ‘sorry’ has become a friend Im quite comfortable with these days when it needs to visit…but at the same time, the soul searching has allowed a more confident Amy to shine. An Amy that can stand up for herself in a more mature way and most certainly more articulately. So now Im faced with some of my friends not enjoying the truthful answers too much at all.
This girl I had a fight with, our whole friendship, has constantly preached about God to me and made acts of philanthropy and good Samaritans (Only when being watched mind you) as though I dont know a thing about how to appreciate a greater power. She constantly judged me on the pettiest things…ie- when I would say ”No buy your own smokes…” to a drunken but obviously employed young man…and try make me feel guilty. I would keep my mouth closed. But as soon as I tried to give her a thought of mine back…BAM! Attitude, walls, fever, hyperventilation of another kind! Whoa!
But it came to the point where a button of hers was pushed and this good Christian woman lashed out at me with the most hurtful of things…I was stunned! I quickly remembered that all people show their true colours eventually…and it has nothing to do with who you are, what you say and how many favours you do for them…but everything to do with just yet another opportunity to respond to them in a way that allows you to be proud and strong in walking away and leaving them be.
Unfortunately, betrayal is not uncommon in friendships…and we need to remember our own self worth in these moments and not get bogged down with their snooze through life! So long as we can turn inwards and take a good look in the mirror at ourselves, we need not worry what they think or say.
People have all sorts of disguises and its up to you to remain awake….and to never hold a disguise of your own x
AmyJ.
